I Have a Goal

My initial goal when I started this journey was to lose 10% of my starting body weight. My physician told me the benefits of losing this 10% would really be noticable. It's possible once my initial goal is reached I won't have to take blood pressure medicine anymore and the risk of Type II diabetes is significantly reduced.

Well, I'm within 3 lbs of my initial 10% goal. I'm excited. And it's true, there are some noticable effects of losing 39lbs. The one thing I notice the most is that I have no swelling in my feet. Usually this time of year I have my feet all wrapped up to prevent them from swelling at night. When the weather starts changing they usually start blowing up like balloons, but so far I've experienced no swelling. Secondly, I'm actually am noticing that my clothes fit differently. Not a lot, but just enough to keep me motivated. My favorite pair of jeans earlier this year I would keep having to sew the seams that kept coming out. I haven't had to sew them up again since February and now they actually have a little give. Yay!

So, now that I'm in reach of reaching my first goal, I've started thinking about what goals will come next. I have two goals that I would like to reach THIS YEAR! While it seems like a lot, these are totally obtainable goals and I look forward to reaching my current goal so I can start working on these others.

1. Start Fresh. I'll need to lose another 10% this year. It's still a big number, but not impossible. While remembering my previous weight loss this year, I need to focus like I'm starting all over.

2. Reach the weight I actually have listed on my Drivers License. I hate being a liar. It was correct once, but I haven't updated it. It's lying by omission.

As always, I'll keep you posted on my progress. I need all the encouragement I can get.

I'm Sorry

Dear Friends and Family,



I'm sorry I don't fit the role you thought I would in your life. I'm not perfect, nor will I claim to be.



I'm sorry you feel uncomfortable going out in public places with me because you're embarrased of what others might think. I'm sorry that when strangers mention my weight in public you're defensive and put on a mad front when they've only said out loud what you've said in your head a thousand times.



I'm sorry I'm not the perfect daughter, sister, or friend.



I'm sorry I'm not like my sisters. They're pretty, beautiful and thin(ner).



I'm sorry I got the crappy genes including those you've passed to me.



I'm sorry that we can disagree with out you resorting to name calling. Have I mentioned I love being called a "FAT BITCH"?



I'm sorry I'm not pretty or smart or have a job that pays me what I deserve.



I'm sorry I'm not as disciplined or driven to drop the pounds as you think I should be.



I think most of all, I'm sorry that I'm sorry because I shouldn't be sorry at all.



I am me. I'll always be me. Whether you choose to accept me for who I am or not, I will not lose weight just to make me fit better into your life. When I choose to lose weight, it will be because I truly want to not because I think YOU want me to.